Comfortably UNcomfortable

I found myself getting comfortable holding onto a book I wrote last year–felt better to find reasons to avoid self publishing. Then I started waiting for something to show up. I put it out to warm contacts and publishers who didn’t ask for an agent. All responses were NO…as I had expected for being a first time, unheard of author.  What I didn’t anticipate was how lousy that would make me feel. I considered the time, creativity and joy I put into this work–not to hear one shred of positivity was at the very least, disheartening. I felt un-valued. I decided to send it off one last time to the UK to a well known literary agent that has heard of me. So I sat on it for another month, decidedly built a comfortable fence around this work. Keep it safe in my closet, backyard, etc. I decided after the next NO I get I am self publishing! I will get the NO and I see it as “Next Opportunity.”  So the agent gets back to me saying she can’t find a fit for it with her publishing house.
Now I feel happy again. Even though its a NO I do feel the “next opportunity” coming. I do not have the financial resources yet to publish but I figure that will work itself out. The events that followed get a little uncomfortable with staying in the comfort of my metaphorical fenced backyard. First, a client comes to his appointment with a thank you bonus check of $1050. Receiving gifts is not always easy for me: enter the first discomfort easing me outside my comfort zone. However, I am getting the money to publish this book! Second, I tell a couple friends and they give me $100 each for my book publishing ‘fun-d.’  Then, I unexpectedly hear from my teacher, Alicia Dunams, of my write a “Bestseller in a Weekend” class. She wants to know, where is my book? OY! Uncomfortable honesty of admitting I am sitting on it because I am comfortably lounging on the fence about NOT putting this thing out there. I do have some honest blocks/excuses: I don’t have someone to help me format, design the cover or well known people to endorse it but these are really just tasks that I haven’t figured out yet…all tasks she can help me accomplish. Bottom line? I say yes to her coaching and I am going to continue to trust that the money is going to continue to flow in to pay for it.
I feel exhilarated and excited! No longer comfortable with being uncomfortable. I have all of these ideas and creativity gushing through my fingers onto the pages.
So I am putting it to you honestly—What is your thing that keeps your creativity locked in the closet or behind the fence? What is it you desire to experience that scares you? Why not say YES and see what is on the other side of that fence? You may receive some unexpected delight!!